Perfectionists are Unhappy Lot!

How many times you have seen people puffing their chest in pride before calling themselves perfectionist?

It is considered positive weakness in HR terminology and advised by career experts to be used as weakness when asked for one in an interview. Like many of you, I too have used this trick a few times and am unsure of what impact it made. Maybe they thought, I have been trained to say so.

Over years this term has puzzled me more than anything else and I have been trying to untangle its covert meaning. Of late, I started asking myself, should one be perfectionist or not?

All the people around me, who the world presumes to be perfectionist, are broadly described through these adjectives (hope you too will agree)
-finicky
-irritated
-stubborn
-faultfinder
-my way or highway
-cranky
-ruthless

Which of these adjectives you would like to label yourself with? I know you will hate be associated with any of these words.

Does it mean you should stop doing your best? No. You must look for improvement. Get better at whatever you do. Just not, to the extent that makes you and others unhappy.

If you can’t Measure, You can’t Manage

I was going through a time-management presentation and this slide hit me hard. The full credit for this quote goes to Peter Druker. How apt it is in our life?
It’s fun not to measure what we do. It takes extra effort to keep track of our performance.

Most of us complain for overwork in the office. If you make a log of productive hours, you will notice how underworked you are. We count the number of hours, not how the hours are spent. It goes very well with the saying:

“It doesn’t matter how many years you have in life; what matters is how many life you put in those years.”

80 per cent of our activities in life are not measured. Whatever we are is the result of the remaining 20 per cent. Imagine, where we would land if we measure just a little more?

Set goals, set up parameters to measure and strive beating yourself every time you try. It’s not going to be easy, but it will be worthwhile.

Smile

My wife shared this poem with me yesterday and it's truly inspirational. You too enjoy it and keep smiling. Let this poem travel the world, you can simply email to the ones who you want to SMILE.

Love
Vivek

SMILE

Smiling is infectious,
You catch it like the flu,
When some one smiled at me today,
I started smiling too.

I passed around the corner
And someone saw my grin;
When he smiled I realised
I’d passed it on to him.

I thought about that smile
And realised its worth,
A single smile just like mine,
Could travel round the earth.

So if you feel a smile begin,
Don’t leave it undetected;
Let’s start an epidemic quick –
And get the world infected!

Forgive for Your Own Sake

An early morning, when I turned on BBC, I was in the middle of an ongoing documentary. An old lady in late 50s was talking about her only daughter who was brutally killed after being sexually assaulted by a robber at the farmhouse.
Like others, she decided to fight for her daughter’s justice. The court case lasted for many years. At last, the accused was awarded a death sentence. Finally this is what she said, “… I had a satisfaction that the sinner was punished. But, still I was not at peace. One day I decided to see the convict at the prison. His face was stubbed and pale, and he looked hopelessly at me. I couldn’t believe. I was moved, something from inside stirred me and I decided to forgive..”

“..just in a moment my life was transformed. I felt as if I’m relieved of a big burden. I felt free.”

Revenge is a natural response right after we are hurt. It might console for a while but doesn’t set us free. We still live with a heaviness of guilt. The only way to freedom is forgiveness.

As a human, we feel generous while forgiving. Do it, not for anyone, but yourself!

Rise with the Sun, Relax with the Moon

Each one of us has gone through our share of struggle and rewards. You would agree hard work doesn’t always pay. You must have experienced time in your life when you passionately wanted something and worked hard towards it. You failed. But, you didn’t give up. You tried again.. this time harder. You failed again. Still you didn’t quit. You tried again with full force. No result yet! Of course you are frustrated and wondering what else you can do to make it happen. You change course.. try again with full precision. But, still no success! And you quit.

Who is to be blamed? None! Because time is just not right.

Now, you are happily enjoying life. Unexpectedly, a big pleasant news surprises you which turns around your life. You didn’t work hard for it. Neither, you expected such a return. But it happened because lady luck was smiling at you.

These mysteries make our life even more enjoyable.

If things are not working out for you, don’t push too hard. Relax! Preserve your energy and wait for your time to come.

When it is your time, push yourself the hardest. Nobody can stop you from winning.

The greatest lessons of life are to be learnt from nature. Look at the lotus. It preserves energy whole night, waits for the morning to bloom. Lotus knows if it is dark, however hard it tries, it can’t bloom.

So, Rise with the Sun, Relax with the moon.

Newton Rules Your Life !

I was staring at the sky sitting in my balcony, suddenly a thought struck my mind.. Newton Rules My Life. Let’s not misinterpret I’m going to talk something scientific.

I presume, you too remember Newton’s third law of motion. I’ve quizzed hundreds of people and everyone was able to tell me in some form. If you can’t recollect.. you too quiz someone. You will get the answer.

Suppose you are waiting at a signal to turn it green. Parallel to your car, you see a guy looking at you from his car. You look back and sincerely smile. The guy smiles back.

Let’s change the situation.

You had a bad day in the office. You come home and press the bell. Your wife opens the door and you straightaway head inside without even looking at her. You throw the laptop in the corner, sit on the couch, close your eyes resting your head and she asks, “What do you want to have in dinner?” You shout, “NOTHING!” Imagine what will be her response.

Didn’t you experience the third law of motion?

Also, think about the following actions and actively notice the reaction:

1. Be the first to greet the receptionist at the check in counter on the air port.

2. Brake you car to offer a crossing to a pedestrian.

3. Offer your seat to an elderly person in train or bus.

4. Sincerely thank a colleague for her support.

5. Let your spouse know how deeply you love her.

If observed closely, you’ll notice Newton rules every second of your life. Give more to get more!

Rebuild the Bridge

People had assembled to have glimpse of the legendary sage in the huge ground.  Holy chants were resonating and the ambience was euphoric. It was a beautiful village located amidst the hills and the only thing connecting the village was the wooden-bridge over river Beas.

The sage clad in saffron waived his hand towards the public to calm down and asked, “What will you do if the floodwater washes away the bridge?”

“We will rebuild the bridge!” everyone screamed at once.

“Why will you rebuild the bridge?”

There was skepticism after this question among the crowd because the answer was very clear. Still, some of them said, “Because the bridge is our lifeline and we can’t wait.”

“True!” the saint paused.

“When we experience a loss in life, we tend to worry and repent when it’s the time to act.  Mostly, you will notice people reiterating the loss which further worsens their state.  Many losses are irreparable, but our life demands action. The sooner you rebuild the bridge the happier you will be.”

The message was very clear.

I find this story very apt in these turbulent times. Many have lost their entire life’s saving, some have lost job, a few have received pay cuts and a fear psychosis has gripped most of us.  But, we all know life is not going to end here, it has to move on.

So, let’s start finding ways to rebuild our bridge.  No crisis in the universe comes without a way out, you just need an eye to look for.

Don't Ever Save for Special Occasion

I came across this piece yesterday and found it very true to life.  I had similar experience when I developed back-pain last year and realised I will never be able to ride bikes and run long-distance. While I was writhing in pain someone from inside said to me- "The pain is stopping you just from running, what if you'd lost life on the way to office?"

This inner voice changed my perspective towards life.

Marshall Goldsmith rightly says:

Live your dream now. If you can't do at 25, you can't do at 85. 

Love

Vivek

***

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister's bureau and

lifted out a tissue-wrapped package. "This," he said, "is not a slip.
This is lingerie." He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It
was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The
price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. "Jan
bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years
ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion. Well,
I guess this is the occasion." He took the slip from me and put it on
the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His
hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the
drawer shut and turned to me. "Don't ever save anything for a special
occasion. Every day you're alive is a special occasion."

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that
followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores
that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane
returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister's
family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn't seen or
heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without
realizing that they were special. I'm still thinking about his words,
and they've changed my life.

I'm reading more and dusting less. I'm sitting on the deck and admiring
the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden.

I'm spending more time with my family and friends and less time in
committee meetings. Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of
experience to savor, not endure. I'm trying to recognize these moments
now and cherish them.

I'm not "saving" anything; we use our good china and crystal for every
special event-such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the
first camellia blossom.

I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if
I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of
groceries without wincing.

I'm not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware
stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my
party-going friends'.

"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my
vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and
hear and do it now. I'm not sure what my sister would have done had
she known that she wouldn't be here for the tomorrow we all take for
granted.

It's those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew
that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends
whom I was going to get in touch with-someday. Angry because I hadn't
written certain letters that I intended to write-one of these days.
Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and daughter often enough
how much I truly love them.

I'm trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that
would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I
open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every
minute, every breath truly is...a gift from God.

by Ann Wells in the Los Angeles Times

The Kick of Silence

We are always busy, either doing something or doing many things at the same time. Because of our own affairs or of others’. Multitasking is fad. I know a few, if they are not busy, they are restive. The least they do to be at peace is, pretend to be busy. It has gradually become our nature to stay occupied. We want to show that we don’t have time (my boss says, it gives a professional feel). We are so occupied that we don’t have time to think where we are heading. I don’t blame anyone. It’s human tendency to just carry on. No one likes to wait and ponder. We commit errors, we repeat errors, but still… on the same track.

My friend, Maria has no time to read instructions while signing up for online banking. She is just rushing and wants it ASAP. When she submits, it declines. She doesn’t read the error message, does some changes and submits again. It is declined again. This happens eleven times, before she realizes she is supposed to activate the debit card by making a call before signing up. Not surprised? It nearly happens to everyone in this fast-paced universe.

What could she have done? You know the answer. But, how many of us take time to think before we act? We generally forget: Busy doesn’t equal Productive.

If we could take some time to ponder everyday in silence, we will live a far more fulfilled life. Believe me! A kick of silence lifts us to an EXtra-ordinary life.

Destroy Your Enemy

During the Civil War Lincoln had occasion at an official reception to refer to the Southerners as erring human beings rather than as enemies to be exterminated.

An elderly lady, a fiery patriot, rebuked him for speaking kindly of his enemies when he ought to be thinking of destroying them. "Why, madam," said Lincoln, "do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?"

Just Five More Minutes

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground.

“That’s my son over there,” she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.

“He’s a fine looking boy” the man said. “That’s my daughter on the bike in the white dress.”

Then, looking at his watch, he called to his daughter. “What do you say we go, Melissa?”

Melissa pleaded, “Just five more minutes, Dad. Please? Just five more minutes.”

The man nodded and Melissa continued to ride her bike to her heart’s content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his daughter. “Time to go now?”

Again Melissa pleaded, “Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes.”

The man smiled and said, “OK.”

“Mike, you certainly are a patient father,” the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, “Her older brother Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I’d give anything for just five more minutes with him. I’ve vowed not to make the same mistake with Melissa.

She thinks she has five more minutes to ride her bike. The truth is, I get Five more minutes to watch her play.”

Life is all about making priorities, what are your priorities?Give someone you love 5 more minutes of your time today!

90/10 Principle by Steven Covey

Discover the 90/10 Principle. It will change your life (at least the way you react to situations). What is this principle?

10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. What does this mean?

We really have no control over 10% of what happens to us. We cannot stop the car from breaking down. The plane will be late arriving, which throws our whole schedule off. A driver may cut us off in traffic. We have no control over this 10%. The other 90% is different. You determine the other 90%.

How? By your reaction. You cannot control a red light. However, you can control your reaction. Do not let people fool you; YOU can control how you react.
Let us use an example: You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react. You curse. You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over.

She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus. Your spouse must leave immediately for work.

You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit zone. After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started te rrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home, When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? Because of how you reacted in the morning. Why did you have a bad day?

A. Did the coffee cause it?
B. Did your daughter cause it?
C. Did the policeman cause it?
D. Did you cause it?

The answer is “D”.

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day. Here is what could have and should have happened.
Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, “Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time”. Grabbing a towel, you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minute s early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference?

Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why? Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% was determined by your reaction.

Here are some ways to apply the 90/10 principle.

If someone says something negative about you, do not be a sponge. Let the attack roll off like water on glass. You do not have to let the negative comment affect you! React properly and it will not ruin your day. A wrong reaction could result in losing a friend, being fired, getting stressed out etc.

How do you react if someone cuts you off in traffic?

* Do you lose your temper?* Pound on the steering wheel? A friend of mine had the steering wheel fall Off)* Do you curse?* Does your blood pressure skyrocket?* Do yo u try to bump them?

WHO CARES if you arrive ten seconds later at work? Why let the cars ruin your drive. Remember the 90/10 principle, and do not worry about it.

You are told you lost your job. Why lose sleep and get irritated? It will work out. Use your worrying energy and time into finding another job.

The plane is late; it is going to mangle your schedule for the day. Why take out your frustration on the flight attendant? She has no control over what is going on. Use your time to study, get to know the other passenger.

Why are stressed out? It will just make things worse. Now you know the 90-10 principle. Apply it and you will be amazed at the results. You will lose nothing if you try it.

The 90-10 principle is incredible. Very few know and apply this principle.

The result? Millions of people are suffering from undeserved stress, trials, problems and heartache.

We all must understand and apply the 9 0/10 principle.
It CAN change your life!

You are Wonderful

The following true story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales were booming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold. The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, "Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment." The crowd groaned in disappointment and failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration.

The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished, there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, "Daddy, I think you are wonderful!" The crowd broke into thunderous applause.

We all need people in our Lives who are willing to stand up once in a while and say, "I think you are wonderful. "

Heaven or Hell

A man, his horse and his dog were traveling down a road. When they were passing by a gigantic tree, a bolt of lightning struck and they all fell dead on the spot.
But the man did not realize that he had already left this world, so he went on walking with his two animals; sometimes the dead take time to understand their new condition...
The journey was very long, uphill, the sun was strong and they were covered in sweat and very thirsty. They were desperately in need of water. At a bend in the road they spotted a magnificent gateway, all in marble, which led to a square paved with blocks of gold and with a fountain in the center that spouted forth crystalline water.
The traveler went up to the man guarding the gate.
“Good morning.”
“Good morning,” answered the man.
“What is this beautiful place?”
“This is heaven.”
“How good to have reached heaven, we’re ever so thirsty.”
“You can come in and drink all you want.”
And the guard pointed to the fountain.
“My horse and my dog are thirsty too.”
“So sorry, but animals aren’t allowed in here.”
The man was very disappointed because his thirst was great, but he could not drink alone; he thanked the man and went on his way. After traveling a lot, they arrived exhausted at a farm whose entrance was marked with an old doorway that opened onto a tree-lined dirt road.
A man was lying down in the shadow of one of the trees, his head covered with a hat, perhaps asleep.
“Good morning,” said the traveler.
The man nodded his head.
“We are very thirsty - me, my horse and my dog.”
“There is a spring over in those stones,” said the man, pointing to the spot. “Drink as much as you like.”
The man, the horse and the dog went to the spring and quenched their thirst. Then the traveler went back to thank the man.
“By the way, what’s this place called?”
“Heaven.”
“Heaven? But the guard at the marble gate back there said that was heaven!”
“That’s not heaven, that’s hell.”
The traveler was puzzled.
“You’ve got to stop this! All this false information must cause enormous confusion!”
The man smiled:
“Not at all. As a matter of fact they do us a great favor. Because over there stay all those who are even capable of abandoning their best friends...”

By Paulo Coelho
Paulo writes blog online which can be accessed at http://www.warriorofthelight.com/engl/

You Mustn't Quit

Life is queer with its twists and turns

As every one of us sometimes learns

Don't give up though the pace seems slow

You may succeed with another blow.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill

When the funds are low and the debts are high

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh

When care is pressing you down a bit

Rest if you must, but don't you quit.

Success is failure turned inside out

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt

And you never can tell how close you are

It may be near when it seems afar;

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit

It's when things seem worst that you mustn't quit.

Edgar A. Guest